Dealing with Healing and Grief

With so much going on in my life for the past six weeks, or six months if you count all the loss, I have come to a point of realizing the need to find ways to cope. I am a very strong person who believes there are no accidents in life and everything we go through has a purpose, but when in the middle of so much shadow and turmoil, it is also necessary to deal with the real feelings.

There are times I have felt my heart racing and my stomach turning. There have been times of so much sorrow I think I might explode. And also times of remarkable peace. It has been interesting to try to figure out when these feelings come and go, what causes them and find ways to use them beneficially.

For instance, recently after visiting my dad in the hospital and realizing we may be losing him in spite of all our energy and effort to save a beautiful man, I came to a place of knowing that I needed Dad Free Zones and Times. It doesn't mean I don't love him. My love for my dad is deeper than almost any love I have for anyone, which is what makes losing him so painful. But without these zones, I might go crazy. And it is hard because my dad has a real zest for life. He is my best teacher, my jitterbug partner and a hard worker. Every time I turn around I find myself in the middle of something I know he would love, including dinner time. But dinner time has to be a Dad Free Time. The same is true of my own health issues right now. They are not allowed at dinner or TV time with Thomas. If my mind starts to wander, Thomas has permission to change the subject, and I can do the same for him.

I also discovered that if I feel myself slipping into morose, I can suck on a lemon wedge. I was reminded by a friend that this may not be good for my teeth, so I will remember to rinse afterward. But nothing brings you back to reality like a sour lemon.

Time also slips away quickly when you are worried about a loved one, your health, or almost anything. It is easy to lose track of important engagements and deadlines. Take lots of notes, a deep breath, and just do what you can in small bits.

Also, allow yourself to feel. Just as Stress Free Zones are necessary, it is also necessary to cry, scream, throw a tantrum (for yourself within safe settings) or punch a punching bag. Hold a good old fashioned pity party, but make sure you come back into the light.