Looking for Miracles / Finding Grace

Yes I am hoping for a huge miracle for my dad as things do not look promising right now. And as for my own diagnosis, I don't want to deal with this. But I'm not the first woman to go through it and I am lucky it has been found early. That's a miracle. I think my doctor is a hero for finding it.

The miracle of my parent's 51 years together is something to acknowledge and perhaps their deep love for each other is why dad now stands at the door. And there is the miracle of Gilda's Club finding me before we knew we needed each other.

It is human nature to try to make sense of the senseless and to understand why and how something happens. It is part of the grieving process too. There is a need to order things in some way to help ourselves cope, it is empowering.
So I find myself asking, why did we lose our old old dog, followed by my mom, now possibly my dad and why did I get my diagnosis at the same time? First reaction is to say it just isn't fair! But does fairness really have anything to do with it? Is there any sense that can be made of it?

Here is something I've been thinking about, though it really doesn't make it hurt any less, it does help me see the forces that work through our lives and perhaps it helps to let go a little and give the reins to a higher power.
When our dog Merlin was younger we used to take him everywhere with us, but in his last two years he couldn't go anywhere and Thomas carried him up and down the stairs. That meant we could not travel together. We looked for the silver lining and realized after he passed, we could now travel and had planned a nice vacation, however things have altered those plans slightly. The good news is that I don't have to be alone.
Anyway, if Merlin were still alive, we could not have been together away from home to help my dad with mom's affairs or to help dad now. And Dad was mom's caregiver. If she were still alive when he is now so ill, I don't think she would have done too well with it. As for me, neither of parents may ever know what I am going through and that is a blessing. Is that a miracle too? And how about the fact that I had some regular storytelling programs cancelled due to the economy and testing, and some that decided to move their programs to April, May and June. Now I won't have to cancel them or at least can make other arrangements around them.
As much as I don't want to have any of this to deal with, I sure can see the miracles at work and I think maybe some angels are looking over my shoulder.
My goal is to keep moving forward with everything I do and plan to do, to be as cheerful and happy as I can, and if you ask me how I am doing, expect me to turn it back to you. How are you doing? That is how I am doing.